


Rhyming Couplet

by my_kylo_ren_fics



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Anyways, Ben is a graduate student, Ben is a poet, But he's kind of got some issues, Chapter 14 is the smut chapter, Dirty Talk, Emo Kylo Ren, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, He's crazy for you, I just end up writing a novel out of tags, Kylo Ren has a secret, M/M, More tags later, Multi, Sexual Content, i'm pretty bad at tagging, in case you are wondering, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6601321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_kylo_ren_fics/pseuds/my_kylo_ren_fics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In order to graduate from college, you need to take a poetry class. Unfortunately enough, all of the classes on campus are full. You’re in luck! Professor Hux, your favorite professor, has the solution to all of your problems. He has a graduate student that needs TA hours.</p><p>It’s unfortunate that Professor Hux forgot to mention that this graduate student happens to be the unbelievably attractive and ridiculously moody poet named Ben Solo.</p><p>Smut in chapter 14.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I need this class for my major,” you pleaded.

Professor Hux rolled his pen back and forth between his hands. He glanced from the notebook on his desk to your face. 

It was true - without taking a poetry course, you wouldn’t be allowed to graduate at the end of this semester. That would mean you’d still be over $100,000 in debt and you’d need to pay for an extra semester. It just wouldn’t be possible. You’d never be free from the debt.

You stared into the Professor’s frosty blue eyes.

“Please, Professor Hux, I just have no where else to turn. I know it’s asking a lot, but you oversee all the poetry courses on campus so I figured I would at least try…”

You dropped the end of your sentence as you delved into deep thought. He had been a good family friend since before you could remember. He knew all too well of your financial situation - you were on your own through college because your parents simply couldn’t afford it. The jobs they had just weren’t enough to support you through college. Hell, they barely had enough money to put food on the table. 

“There’s nothing I can do to get you into the class, Y/N. The course is full. I can’t take another student. I’ve already accepted five more than I’m supposed to have and anything more than that would be a fire hazard in the room the university has given me. You’ll have to wait until next semester.”

“I can’t afford another semester.”

He let out a sigh and ran his thin fingers through his bright red hair. He looked up to the ceiling. He scratched at his thick beard.

“Have you considered an independent study?”

“No.”

He sighed and pulled a paper out of his desk.

“Usually, I don’t offer this for Intro to Poetry, but, I can make an exception for one of my favorite students,” he said with a wink. “The one catch is that I wouldn’t be teaching the course. You’d take this course with one of my graduate students.”

“Which graduate student?” you asked curiously.

You knew most of the graduate students in the English department that had a concentration in poetry. You ran through their names in your head but you couldn’t think of one that wasn’t already a teaching assistant for a course.

He put his pen down on the paper.

“His name is Ben. He transferred here just recently as a first year graduate student. He writes the most stunning poetry I’ve ever read. It’s better than my own,” he admitted.

“But?”

He brushed his fingers over his thick mustache, contemplating whether or not he should continue to tell you about Ben.

“He’s different. He’s… very different.”

That made your stomach churn. He probably was insane. Unfortunately, you really had no other choice.

He slid the paper in front of you.

“All you have to do is sign on the line,” he said. “It’s your choice. You can either wait a semester or take the same course with my graduate student.”

“Fine,” you said as you picked up the pen and signed your life away.

* * *

You tapped on Professor Hux’s office door at exactly 3:59PM. 

Professor Hux’s door opened and he stood inside. His hair was disheveled and he held a few books under his arms.

“Oh,” he visibly relaxed, “it’s just you.”

“Yes, just me. I’m here for class.”

“Oh, right!” he nodded. “Ben should be here any minute. Just, uh, make yourself comfortable somewhere, okay?”

“Sure,” you said as you crossed into his office and took a seat in the chair across from his desk.

You glanced around his minimally decorated office. He had a single bookshelf that took up the entire wall on the left side of his office. You turned your head on the side. What were the titles of the books?

Just then, the office door opened and you heard someone stomp into the room.

In front of you, an extremely tall looking man with dark hair stood at Professor Hux’s desk. He dropped a messenger bag to the floor and dropped into the professor’s chair.

He muttered something before digging through his bag and pulling out some papers.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” 

He didn’t respond to you as he continued to shuffle the papers around on the desk, trying to organize them.

“Uh,” you said, awkwardly.

“I’m Ben,” he said.

He wasn’t what you expected. Your eyes ran over his torso. It was definitely a good thing though. He wasn’t a thin or lanky man like Professor Hux or any other male poet you thought of. His well built chest was covered by a knit gray sweater. His hair flowed in long and soft waves that just barely extended past his ears.

Your eyes connected with his dark brown eyes that stared into your depths. 

He sighed, “Are you done?”

You frowned, “Sorry.”

“Idiot,” he grumbled.

You couldn’t really help but stare at him. 

Damn, he was gorgeous, even when he insulted you. What a disgusting thought. You deserved better. You shook the thought from your head.

“Let’s see what you’ve got,” he said, passing a blank sheet of paper towards you with a pen on top of it. “Write me something. You have the rest of this class period to do it. Otherwise, you will fail.”

Your hand shook as you wrapped your fingers around the pen. Why were your hands shaking?

You stared at the blank piece of paper. 

_Shit._

You couldn’t do this. You were a damn fiction writer. You couldn’t even make sense of any poetry, never mind attempting to write your own. You felt as if you were a master chocolate maker that had been thrown into a cheese making factory. 

How the hell could you even do this?

He didn’t even give you a sense of direction. Did he expect something perfect? Would he be grading you based on content? What were the guidelines?

You looked away from the paper to see that he had a notebook in his lap. He was scribbling words furiously on the page.

Your eyes bounced over to Professor Hux’s anniversary clock. The rotating pendulum swung back and forth, at almost the exact same rate each time. It turned to the left and then turned to the right, over and over.

Your eyes wandered back to Ben. 

His face had no emotional giveaway as to what he was writing. He slowed his pen and broke his gaze from his notebook.

“I gave you a fucking assignment,” he spat at you, “If you don’t finish it. I will make sure you fail.”

Flustered, you looked back down at your blank sheet of paper.

There was no way you could do this class without the guidance of Professor Hux. Ben was just a graduate student. What did he know about writing poetry? It’s not like he had been published like the professor had been. He clearly didn’t know what he was doing. 

All he had shown you was that he rude and couldn’t care less about you as a student. 

This would have been a complete waste of time for you. Professor Hux had screwed you over with this horrible person.

So, you wrote one single sentence on that piece of paper.

 **I can’t do this.**

You stood from the chair and exited Professor Hux’s office without saying another word. You would rather fail out of college than deal with such a monster of a person.


	2. Chapter 2

You dropped your stuff onto one of the empty tables in the library. You needed to figure shit out again and this was the best place to think. No one would bother you here.

What were you going to do? You just walked out of your independent study and now you were probably going to fail because of that fluffy haired TA.

You’d have to drop out, pack all of your stuff and move to another country to get over the overwhelming amount of embarrassment. You weren’t usually so quick to give up and throw in the towel.

You groaned and dropped your head onto your bag.

“Y/N?”

You lifted your head up and saw your friend, Poe Dameron, staring at you. He dropped his books on the table and sat down across from you. If anyone could help you with making a big decision, it would be Poe. He had been your friend since childhood. 

More recently, Poe finished his undergraduate studies and had been offered a graduate degree in Women’s Studies if he stayed at the university for another year. So, here he was, a second year graduate student. 

He rolled up his long sleeves and placed his bag on the table.

“Don’t you have a class right now?” he asked.

You sighed, “I did. It’s a long story.”

He raised his brow and stopped moving his books around. 

“How can it even be that long? It’s 4:30 and your class started at 4:00?” he rolled his eyes. “Typical novelist.”

You put your hands up in defense, “Ben, the grad student I’m taking the course with? He’s terrible! He just expected me to write a poem without any guidance and told me that he’d fail me if I didn’t do it.”

“Wow, he required you to write a poem… for a poetry class… that he would grade?”

His brow was raised on his face. It did sound a little ridiculous when he put it that way…

You were stubborn though. You stuck to your guns and fired back at him, “Seriously, Poe, you’re not helping the situation. You’re being a dick.”

He sighed, “I’m just - could you listen to yourself for a second? You’re complaining about a class you didn’t sit through and about a guy who was just trying to do his job. You didn’t give either of them a chance.”

“Yeah, but he was so rude to me. How could he be so monstrous? He threw me in the deep end of the pool without any floaties! I don’t even know how to swim!”

He hushed you, “We’re in a library, Y/N.”

He inhaled deeply through his nose before he began to speak again.

“I would do the same with any of my students in the gender politics class I’m teaching. For all intents and purposes, yes, I could just say ‘sexism is still prevalent in our society’ but that doesn’t do much of anything. I don’t want my students regurgitating _my_ beliefs. I want to make my students question their _own_ ideas and beliefs by showing them facts and real evidence that sexism is still a huge issue in society.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he flatly responded.

That’s when it finally clicked for you.

“I’m an idiot.”

Poe shrugged helplessly. He obviously didn’t want to flat out say you were an idiot, but you knew he was thinking that exact thought.

“Wait, can I get a recording of this?” Finn said as he slid into the chair next to you, “Because this is pure gold.”

Poe rolled his eyes at Finn, “We were getting somewhere, you jerk.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity,” Finn giggled, “So, I’m assuming the class went well?”

“No.”

“She got up and left after a half an hour with this guy,” Poe added.

“He must have been pretty terrible to look at. Either that, or he must have an eye patch and a thing for vodka,” Finn said. “Wait, what is his name again? I’ll have to hunt this guy down. You said his name was Ben right?”

“You both suck.”

“Oh wait,” Finn let out a strangely hearty laugh. “Is it Ben Solo? Is he your TA?”

You sighed, “I don’t know his last name.”

“Tall? Sex-tousled black hair? Dark brown eyes? Deep and rumbly voice that sounds like pure sex?” Finn pointed at the picture he pulled up on his laptop. Of course, he could just go through the grad student database and pull up a picture of Ben. Your eyes ran over the picture. 

He didn’t look as great as he did in person. The camera didn’t actually capture how unbelievably handsome he was. It was almost like he looked like a different person.

“Yeah, that’s him. How do you know him?”

“We used to be roommates. We both went to the same school for undergrad,” he said. “We’re not on great terms… It’s kind of awkward and I don’t know how to approach him. He thinks I stole his ex-girlfriend away.”

“But-”

“He didn’t know…” Finn said. It was an unspoken thing - Finn was definitely gay. He just wasn’t out about it. You were the only one on this planet that knew his secret.

“Anyways,” Poe said, “You need to get your ass over to Professor Hux’s office. Stop wasting time.”

You nodded as you stood from your chair.

Finn caught your elbow in his hand before he spoke, “Ben - he’s a good guy. Sure, he can be a jerk at times, but, he’s had a tough life. Give him another chance.”

“Fine,” you said as you wiggled out of his grasp.

And, with that, you slung your bag over your shoulder. You turned and made your way out of the library.

* * *

You stood outside the open door of Hux’s office. You knocked lightly on the door.

“Y/N,” Professor Hux said plainly, looking away from Ben.

Your eyes drifted over Ben. His hair was more tousled than before - like he had been nervously running his hands through it. You could tell he was frustrated by the flare of his nostrils.

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you join us?” Professor Hux said. “And, please, close the door behind you.”

You gulped down your nerves. Hopefully, you could talk your way out of this mess. You shuffled through the doorway and closed the door behind you.


	3. Chapter 3

Somehow all your calmness from your conversation with Poe and Finn left you. 

“He started it!”

Ben scoffed, “I didn’t! I didn’t do anything!”

“Stop it! I don’t claim to understand what either of you were thinking,” Hux said. “Honestly, I don’t even care what happened. Y/N, we made an agreement that this is how you’d take the course. Ben, we agreed this would be a course you’d receive TA hours for.”

“But, sir-” you said.

“You will not interrupt me again,” Hux spat. “Make it work. The two of you are going to sit here, right now, and fix this.”

“Professor, I have a poetry reading to get to,” Ben said.

“I don’t care. You two are going to fix this. Now.”

Hux stood and gathered some things - a laptop and books, “I’ll be right outside. Figure out how to make it work.”

Hux made his way across his office and closed the door behind him.

And then there was tension filled silence. _Oh God._ You squirmed anxiously in your seat.

“Okay,” you said. “Can we just agree-”

“Do you ever shut up?” he shot at you.

“Are you ever _not_ rude?”

“You know, for a fiction writer, you are terrible with your words.”

You sighed, “There’s no way this is going to work…” You trailed. You blinked a few times, processing what he had said. Not only did he insult you, but he also managed to point out a fact that you had never told him.  

“Wait, how did you know I’m a fiction writer?”

He cocked his brow, “Professor Hux showed me your capstone project proposal. I read it over. It’s very natural and elegant.”

“Uh. Thank you.”

He shrugged. “I know that poetry isn’t the way you’re used to writing. It’s similar to speaking a different dialect of English. It’s a little different but, you’re still conveying a concept through words. You’re telling a story.”

“I never thought of it that way,” you admitted.

“If anything,” he said, “studying poetry will help your writing.”

“What do you know about studying poetry?”

He crossed his arms over his broad chest, “I know a bit. I’ve been writing since I was thirteen. I studied poetry in my undergrad.” 

Your eyes ran over his body. You still couldn’t get over the fact that he was not the typical male poet. He was so fit. He probably had a passion for working out or something. 

“Professor Hux was telling me he’s read your poetry.”

He nodded, “He has.”

It didn’t go any further than that.

 _Why wasn’t he offering to let you read his poetry?_ He had read your work. That wasn’t fair.

“Look, you obviously don’t like me and I obviously don’t like you. I need the hours and you need the course to graduate. Truce?” you offered, rather lamely.

He shifted in his seat. He seemed to carefully consider your offer.

“Sure,” he said. 

You let out a huff of air, “So, we’re good?”

“Yes,” he stood up, “I’ll talk to Professor Hux. I’ll see you on Thursday, Y/N,” he said as he picked up his bag form the ground. He walked out of the office.

* * *

You cringed as you moved backwards, only to bump into another body. That was probably the worst part about taking a bus to a party. It was a party off campus - at Phasma’s house. 

Who was Phasma? Only one of the most popular people in the department. She was a graduate student with a concentration in play writing. She was incredibly smart and also incredibly friendly. Not only that, but she always had such a way with making anyone feel better. You knew you had to be at her party tonight.

The scent of body odor passed your nose. 

“Ugh,” you said out loud.

You hated the damn bus but you couldn’t just teleport there or walk to her apartment. You should have gotten a ride from Poe. If only you had stayed in class today and didn’t make the TA hate you. That stupid meeting made it too late for you to catch a ride with Poe. Apparently, he ran out of change to feed the parking meters. Go figure.

You groaned. 

You mind went back to Ben and his fluffy hair. If he wasn’t your TA… you wouldn’t be against hooking up with him. 

It didn’t matter though. Ben hated you.

The bus dinged as it pulled over at the intersection of Republic Street and State Street. This was your stop. As soon as the doors opened, you pushed your way out.

You inhaled the fresh and cool night air. That felt better.

You walked as quickly as you could towards Phasma’s house. It really wasn’t safe for you to be walking by yourself at night.

As you approached the house, you noticed someone standing outside, smoking.

“Fucking finally,” you heard Poe say, throwing his cigarette onto the ground. He stomped it out with his boot, “I didn’t want to go in there by myself. Finn said he’d be by later. He said something about catching this weird ass poetry thing.”

“Oh alright,” you smiled. “Let’s get drunk.”

“Hell yes,” he said as he took you by the arm and escorted you into the house.

Inside, it was surprisingly bright and very unlike a typical college party. It looked more like a party that your parents would throw - there was classical music playing in the background. There wasn’t anyone there.

So, you weren’t getting super drunk tonight. You groaned. You were in the mood to completely forget how terrible your day was. You didn’t have classes tomorrow.

You looked down at your outfit. For once, you were glad that you just changed into something a little different from your normal outfit. On a regular school day, you’d wear a hoodie with jeans. But, for this night out, you wore a dark pair of skinny jeans that fit your legs perfectly. On top, you wore your favorite cardigan paired with a patterned scarf. You had flicked some mascara on.

“Hey!” Phasma said, rushing to the door, “You’re early!”

“I thought it started at 9.”

“I had to push it back to 9:30. There are a few things going around in town that aren’t finished until 9 and I didn’t want people rushing over,” she said. “Would you like a glass of wine? Y/N, I love your scarf.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“It’s really cute,” she said with a wink. “Come on in, make yourselves comfortable.”

You walked into her spacious apartment, following right behind her. She walked into the kitchen to get drinks for you and Poe. You took a seat at the large island in the kitchen.

“Red, white?”

“Red,” you responded.

“Merlot?” 

“Sure.”

“Poe?”

He rolled his lips into his mouth, “Uh, do you have beer?”

“Totally.”

“Give me anything. Thank you.”

She quickly served you both drinks.

Poe turned his body towards you, toying with his beer in his hand. 

“So, did you talk to Professor Hux?” Poe asked.

“About what?” Phasma interjected.

Poe laughed, “Y/N was having a problem with her independent study. Apparently, the graduate student that is supervising her hates her.”

“Who?”

“Ben.”

She smirked, “That’s funny.”

“Why?” you asked.

She shrugged, “I may or may not have talked to him earlier about it. He was saying that you were really cute.”

You sputtered your red wine back into your glass.

“Are we talking about the same Ben?”

She raised her hands defensively, “He’ll be here in ten minutes. You can ask him yourself what he thinks about you.”

“You didn’t!” Poe squealed as he started laughing.

“Oh, I did. You two would be cute together.”

“He’s my TA! I can’t do that!”

She smirked, “No one has to know. I’m dating Hux as of three days ago.”

You dropped your wine glass.

“What!”

She shrugged, “He’s good in bed, what can I say? He knows how to really use his hips-”

“Oh, gross!” you shouted. That was something you really didn’t need to hear about.

“He won’t be here tonight though. He’s busy writing recommendations.”

“Wonderful,” you sarcastically said as you chugged your wine. You had to prepare yourself to see Ben for the third time today.

“And this is why you get the cheap wine, you little alcoholic,” she said as she swirled the glass of wine in her hand.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: If you don’t know how the game Kings is played, click[here](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.drinkinggamezone.com%2Fdrinking-games%2Fkings%2F&t=YTFiODc5YTEyOTUyZTMzNTBjZTA2YTVlOWNhMDJhZWY3ZDIyOTIxZixrMTMwdjNVcw%3D%3D). It’s important. This part is pretty saucy and oh my, prepare yourself. **(Includes drinking and being drunk.)** _Otherwise, enjoy the newest part of the story.__  
  
“This party is so dreadful,” Rey said. 

You really hadn’t noticed how unbelievably boring the party had been until she pointed it out. There were only five people in attendance – yourself included.

One of those people just happened to be your super cute but super frustrating TA for your poetry class.

Your eyes drifted across the room to Ben, who was standing around with a beer. His whole demeanor had shifted from earlier. He was laughing about something with Poe and Finn. He even had on a different set of clothing - a green and purple flannel with a pair of dark jeans. He looked amazing.

He must have known you were looking at him because, almost like clockwork, his eyes found yours.

You glanced away from him and back to Rey.

Her three buns bounced against her head as she giggled. What was she laughing about? She placed her wine glass on the counter, “I know what we could do. We could play a game! Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Uh,” you laughed, rubbing the back of your neck. You weren’t the biggest fan of playing games while you had been drinking. You had a tendency to make a fool of yourself. And, doing that in front of a cute guy? 

You glanced at Ben. 

“I guess?” you questioned.

“Come on, when is the last time you played Kings?” she said with a wink, “Go sit down and I’ll get everyone to play. Trust me.”

It had been a few months since you had played it. It was definitely one of the more fun games you could play while drinking. At the same time, you felt like this wasn’t the time or place to be playing this game.

Somehow, Rey managed to get you, Phasma, Finn, Poe, and Ben on board to play the game. You all sat in around the kitchen table.

In the center of the table, she placed a single beer can and had fanned out a deck of cards in a circle.

“How the hell do we play?” Poe asked.

“It’s a bit complicated but you’ll catch on quickly,” she said. “All you do is when it’s your turn, you’ll take a card. After you do whatever is on the card, you’ll put the card under the tab of the beer can, if it opens, you have to drink it.”

Phasma placed a fresh can of beer in front of everyone.

_You were definitely going to get drunk._

You nodded and said, “Ace is waterfall, two is you, three is me, four is floor, five is guys, six is chicks, seven is heaven, eight is mate, nine is rhyme, ten is categories, jack is never have I ever, queen is questions, and king is ruler.”

Poe laughed, “That means absolutely nothing to me.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Phasma said, waving her hand, “Let’s go.”

“Okay, how about Y/N goes first,” Rey said.

You nodded. You carefully pulled a card from the circle.

You flipped it over and revealed a five of diamonds. Finn, Poe, and Ben all took drinks from their beers.

Next was Phasma,

She drew a king.

“New rule,” she smirked, “if you use anyone’s name, you have to kiss that person, on the lips, for at least ten seconds.”

“Easy enough,” Poe said.

“Okay, uh, next is,” Rey hesitated before gesturing to Ben.

Ben rolled his eyes and pulled a card. He revealed a 2 of clubs. Who would he pick to take a drink? 

He made direct eye contact with you. He raised his eyebrows.

“Drink,” he commanded.

You lifted your beer. You could distinctly feel the cold and fizzy alcohol sliding down your throat. It really didn’t even taste like anything more than water - it must have been cheap beer or something.

Finn drew the second King.

“Okay, new rule,” he said. “First of all, are we playing the version where you get rid of the old king rule or you keep it?”

“Oh, definitely keeping all rules,” Rey said.

“Okay,” he responded. A slow smile creeped up on his face, “If you ask any question, you have to take off one article of clothing.”

“Jeez,” you laughed, “this is getting fun.”

And the game went on for over an hour. In that time span, you had probably had four beers. You’d lost count after the second one. You were definitely getting to the point of being incredibly drunk. Was anyone else as drunk as you were? Your eyes drifted around the table. Everyone seemed pretty drunk with the exception of one person - Ben. 

He must have been immune to getting drunk or something because he seemed like the same person, even after having six beers. The only difference was that now he had his shirt off because he asked about one of the rules.

Your eyes roamed his upper torso. It was just as well sculpted as you thought it would be. He must have worked out a lot. 

Your eyes drifted up towards his face. His brown eyes were focused on you. It was kind of getting annoying that he was constantly staring at you… or were you constantly staring at him?

“Y/N, isn’t it your turn?” Phasma said, “I mean. Shit. It is your turn.”

She pulled her shirt over her head. You glanced down at her pink bra. It was covered with tiny white polka dots.

“Wow, that’s a cute bra,” you said.

She laughed, “Oh thanks.”

You both just stared at each other for a few seconds. Who was going to move first?

“I’m waiting,” you said, tapping your finger to your lips. You laughed and Phasma leaned over to you. She lightly pressed her lips to yours and you both just kind of held them there. You were both known to kiss people when you were drunk. But, usually, there was no spark to it. It just felt like a warm and friendly kiss.

You giggled as you backed away and hugged her.

And, your eyes met Ben’s. He had taken his lower lip into his mouth. He looked really sexy at that moment. You were most definitely distracted.

“Is it really my turn?”

 _Shit._ You groaned. Now you had to take something off. _Great,_ you said in your mind, _just great._

“Well, come on, we aren’t getting any younger here,” said Poe.

You had already taken your scarf, your cardigan, your shoes and your socks. The only options you had left were either your shirt or your pants.

 _Fuck it,_ you thought as you lifted your shirt over your head. You silently thanked yourself for putting on a decent looking bra before coming over to Phasma’s. It was actually one of your favorites - it was incredibly comfortable and it also make your chest look amazing.

You smiled when you caught Ben’s eyes, looking down at your chest.

“See something you like, Ben?” you snapped at him.

“OH SHIT!” Finn shouted and laughed, “You’re so screwed.”

You laughed and slipped your pants off. Luckily, you had also remembered to put on the matching panties, just in case a situation like this occurred.

_And now, since you had mentioned his name, you had to kiss him._

You stood up, wavering on your feet. You didn’t bother to move for a few seconds because you would have probably fallen over onto poor Phasma. 

Your eyes focused on your target. His eyes were wide as he glanced over your nearly naked body.

 In order to get to him, you had to walk around the table.

It wasn’t your fault you sort of just fell onto his lap. You weren’t steady on your feet. At least, that was what you told yourself. You had both of his legs straddled between yours. 

_You had to do it._

You grabbed his face between your hands and planted a hard kiss on his lips.

You kissed him like you’d never kissed anyone else. It was a bit sloppy but purely animalistic. Your tongue slipped inside his mouth. Was that what you really wanted to do or was that the alcohol controlling you? 

Your hips lightly ground against his. The fabric of his jeans felt rough between your thighs. And, wow, you could definitely feel something pretty hard down there. He let a low moan escape his lips. If there was one thing in the world that really got you going, it was the sound of a man’s moan. You could feel the warmth from his hands as he lightly rested them in the center of your back.

You were kissing Ben. And, damn, did it feel good at that moment.

“Ten!” Poe shouted.

You broke away from Ben’s mouth. 

You didn’t bother looking into his eyes. Instead, you decided to turn towards Poe. You didn’t want to see what look he had in his eyes. You were afraid. What if he didn’t like what had just happened? What if he was upset about how wildly you kissed him?

You stood and tip toed back over to your seat without looking back at him.

“Okay, well, if anyone else wants to kiss me, speak now or forever hold your fucking peace,” you said with a laugh. 

You needed to complete your turn. So, you pulled one of the few remaining cards. It was a three of clubs. You picked up your beer and chugged the end of it.

The beer can at the center seemed like it was about to pop open from all the cards under the tab. You inhaled sharply.

Wiggling your fingers, you slid the card under the tab of the beer. 

It popped open and you fished all the cards out.

“You don’t have to drink it,” Finn said. “Why don’t you drink some water instead?”

“I don’t think you should,” Rey added. 

But, at that moment. You didn’t really care. You had completely forgotten how much you had already ingested. Rey began to stand up to take the beer from the center of the circle.

You wanted it.

You lunged for it and chugged the entire beer.

All of a sudden, you really weren’t feeling great. Maybe if you went to the bathroom, you’d feel better? You stood up and swayed on your feet. Hopefully, you’d make it to the bathroom. You groaned.

You heard a loud screeching noise and covered your ears. You shut your eyes too. You were too drunk to really process what was happening around you. You bent over at your waist.

“Game over,” Ben declared.

You felt warm hands holding you by your waist. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Phasma said, “Fuck, I didn’t think she was this drunk.”

You felt something warm and fluffy cover your body and you let out a low moan. Alcohol had always heightened your sense of touch.

“I feel very good,” you slurred.

“I didn’t think she was this drunk either. We should get her some water and some food, that’ll help,” Poe said.

In front of you, all you could see was Ben. His face had an obvious frown on it. It was incredibly upsetting to you. Why was he frowning?

“Ben,” you said.

“What?” 

“Hi.”

He rolled his eyes, “Hi.”

That was the last thing you remembered before you blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hi. I’ve been doing a lot of reading today on making my writing better. So, this part is a bit shorter than others. Other than that, here’s the newest part of the story._ [   
](http://my-kylo-ren-fics.tumblr.com/post/139999086458/rhyming-couplet-part-3)

Turning your head to your right, you felt the warmth of the mid day sun caress your face. You inhaled deeply through your stomach and exhaled. You felt peaceful. The dull ache of your head reminded you of the wild night you had the night before. 

You didn’t want to move. 

You looked down at the floor and noticed Ben, wrapped up in a blanket. The slow and steady movement of his stomach confirmed he was still asleep. 

_Why was he sleeping on the floor?_ He could have just joined you on the bed.

But, then you were hit with a rush of the memories from last night. His lips had felt so soft against your own. You lifted your fingers from inside the blanket and ran them slowly across your lips. That was one of the best kisses you could remember sharing with another human being.

You had to ruin it all by getting too drunk. You groaned. How could you have fucked up so terribly?

It was best if you just got out of bed and left… and never saw Ben again. Although, the likelihood of that happening would be slim to none. After all, you still had to take that stupid poetry class.

The small smile that rested on Ben’s face reassured you that if you left now, he would be much happier. He never smiled around you at all.

You wiggled your way out of the bed and glanced down at your body. You didn’t remember putting on the black t-shirt you were wearing. You were probably too drunk last night to get it on. Phasma probably helped. Although, the shirt didn’t seem like a women’s shirt - it was too long and boxy. It would be better suited on a man. 

The more troubling issue was that the shirt kind of smelled.

You could distinctly smell two things. There was the overpowering stench of cigarettes that hit your nose first. Underneath that, there was some sort of dark and woody smell. 

This couldn’t have been Phasma’s shirt. You knew for a fact that she had quit smoking over a year ago.

Who the hell did you know that smoked cigarettes?

No one.

Maybe it was just the smell of the guest bedroom?

You could think about this when you were in the safety of your own bedroom. If you stood around here longer, it was more likely that Ben would wake up and catch you. That’s when you slipped on your jeans and grabbed the rest of your clothes before you tiptoed out of the room.

* * *

Ben Solo took a long drag from his cigarette. He really needed to quit smoking. _I’ll quit next week when I’m less stressed.  
_

He tapped his pen against his leg as he stared at the blank page in front of him. For once, he felt like he couldn’t write what he was feeling.

He exhaled the breath he had been holding.

His normal feeling of sadness and pain that had made his poetry famous had been replaced with something a bit more warm and fuzzy. Would he ever tell you that he was, in fact, Kylo Ren? Probably not. The only one at this school who had figured out his pen name was Professor Hux. The professor wasn’t one for gossip.

His mind wandered back to you. A slight smile spread across his face. It hadn’t even been an entire day since he’d met you, but he was definitely starting to feel something. How could he not feel something towards you after that kiss last night…? 

He pulled his cigarette from his mouth. It wasn’t just your average drunk kiss. If anything, it was about a hundred times better. He blotted the burning cigarette against the smooth bottom ash tray. 

That would be his inspiration today. He pressed his pen against the paper and quickly scribbled down a single word.

~~_Romance_ ~~

He scratched it out before ripping the paper from his notebook and throwing it across his small apartment. Y/N definitely didn’t feel the same way. You hadn’t even said goodbye this morning. 

He picked up his coffee mug and took a sip.

**_Did you even remember any of it?_ **

He doubted that you remembered when you pulled him into Phasma’s guest bedroom. His heart pounded wildly in his chest. You had pressed your nearly naked body closely up against his. If you had remembered any of that, you would have certainly remembered using your hand to lightly ghost over the hardness that strained against his jeans.

He wanted you so desperately.

He had nearly come undone right in that moment. 

But, of course, being the perfect gentleman that he was, he had to focus on you. He wasn’t about to have his way with you in the state you were in. If you were going to have sex, he would make sure that you were sober and that you were certain about it. He respected you and all the other woman he had ever been interested in.

He ignored his own needs. He stripped off his flannel and the shirt underneath it. He pushed his t-shirt on over your head to cover your body. Then, he gently pushed you to the bed and covered you with the blankets. 

You stared at him as he put his flannel back on. 

_What did you want?_

He glanced away from your face and back to his shirt. He focused on buttoning all of the buttons on the shirt before he turned back to you.

“Please,” you said, “Cuddle.”

 _He couldn’t do that._ He could barely control you right now. What would have stopped you from doing something you didn’t want to do? 

It was the alcohol talking.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, like his mother used to do when he was a child, and lightly combed his fingers through your hair. Your eyes fluttered closed within a few moments.

He opened his mouth and quietly sang to you the only lullaby he’d known. His mother had sung it to him hundreds of times after his father had left them. It was the only thing that ensured that neither of them would cry.

When he had finished his short lullaby, he noticed your breathing had evened out. The slow rise and fall of your chest gave away that you had fallen asleep. 

He leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips to your forehead.

Back in the current time, he pulled another cigarette from the open pack on the table and stuck it between his teeth. But, as he thought about it more… he realized that it could be possible that you liked him too. 

He wouldn’t know until the two of you were face to face again. 

He lit the end of the cigarette. 

Thankfully, he would only have to wait a day for that opportunity.


	6. Chapter 6

You sighed as you looked at the time on your laptop. 3:30PM. If you wanted to be on time for Ben’s class, you’d probably have to leave in a few minutes.

That was something you hadn’t been looking forward to. 

You knew you’d be distracted the second you walked in. It would be hard to think about poetry when a man that ignited your deepest and most carnal desires was less than two feet away from you. 

His hair would be tousled in that effortless way. Your eyes would focus on the endless depths of his dark brown eyes. After a few moments, you’d migrate your attention down his face. Your eyes would rest on his pink lips. It would remind you of that kiss you shared, only two days ago. His lips were so soft; and yet, his kiss that night had been anything but soft. 

You shifted uncomfortably in your chair as your mind changed directions.

What if he didn’t want anything to do with you after what happened at Phasma’s? How would he even act towards you? Would he pretend as if the kiss never happened - as if it were a fluke - or would he acknowledge the fact that it did happen? If he did acknowledge it, would he decide that you both needed to move on?

Your doubts were eating away at your sanity.

You shuddered. 

You were going to skip class. You’d just sit here, inside this little coffee shop, and stare out the window. It was time for you to take a break. You would just read a book and escape. 

Shuffling around in your bag, you pulled out a book you had been reading recently. You didn’t really have the time to sit down and read it for more than ten minutes. It would be nice to have this time to focus on just… reading.

You needed a cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate before that happened, though. You went up to the counter and ordered your favorite hot beverage. 

That’s when the bell dinged, signaling that someone had entered. You glanced over to the door.

 _Ben_.

Don’t panic, you thought as you took your drink and made your way back to your small table. You were careful not to look at him again and call attention to yourself. Heaven forbid he saw you and attempted to have a conversation with you… That would be pretty embarrassing because you should have been on your way to meet him at Hux’s office. 

You sat down and opened your laptop, even though you weren’t using it anymore, and tried your best to hide behind it.

**You really didn’t want to talk to him.**

“Y/N?”

You looked up from your computer and made direct eye contact with Ben. The universe must have had other plans for you.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

“N-no!” you stuttered.

 _Shit, why did you say that?_ You did mind! You weren’t supposed to be here and you certainly didn’t want to be stuck here, staring at him. 

He gently placed a cup of coffee on the table. You closed your laptop and watched as he effortlessly slid into the chair across from you.

Your eyes noticed the simple dark blue t-shirt that he wore today. You could clearly see through the thin layer of his shirt. It seemed like every time your eyes noticed his shirt, you would desperately try to imagine him with less layers on. Today, you could clearly see that he was wearing something you’d never seen before. There was a necklace around his neck. The pendant must have been hiding in his shirt.

“How about we skip class for today?” he asked.

Your eyes went back up to his.

“Uh, okay?” you answered. You were pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to cancel class just because he felt like it. You were relieved, though. You couldn’t skip a canceled class. It was almost too good to be true.

“Awesome,” he responded, rather enthusiastically. “I do have two assignments for you.”

You groaned. That was something you definitely didn’t need. You watched as he sipped from his cup of coffee before he spoke again. You knew it was too good to be true!

“The first assignment is simple,” he said. He shuffled through his bag before producing three small books.

“I’ve picked three books that contain a variety of poetry in them. Read through them and pick one that you enjoy. Try to identify the reasons why you enjoy the poem.”

You nodded as you took the books from his hands. You placed them on top of your laptop.

“There’s poetry reading tomorrow night at Spotted Zebra. It starts at 8. You should go.”

“I should go?” 

He placed his cup of coffee on the table.

“When a child is learning their first language, it’s important that adults around them spend the time to talk to them and read to them, even if they don’t understand the meaning behind the words. The exposure will help the child grasp the fundamentals of that language,” he said. “You are the child in this situation. You need exposure to the language of poetry before you can begin to understand it.”

You looked at him, completely dumbfounded. That completely caught you off-guard. He was being so sincere and open. This was a dramatic shift from the Ben you knew before Phasma’s party, who seemed cold and distant. He seemed to understand your needs.

“What?” he interrupted your thoughts.

“That was… wow.”

He shrugged, “I have a degree in education. I’m certified to teach English from grades 5-12.”

“Really?”

He nodded in affirmation, “Anyways, a lot of people read their own poetry and it’s really a nice time.” He scratched his cheek for a moment. “I was thinking of reading some new things I’ve written.”

He wanted you to go to a bar to hear him read poetry? Why would a guy ask a girl something like that? Unless…

“Are you trying to ask me out?” **You didn’t intend to say that out loud! Shit!** Now you’d done it - you made yourself look like an idiot.

You could see his face contort. Why did you say that stupid fucking thing? Why were you always so stupid around him? He seemed upset, but you weren’t quite sure about it until he spoke.

His voice fell to a deadly whisper,“No, I’m your goddamn TA for this class and it’s an assignment. Show up or you fail.”

Why did you ask such a stupid question in the first place? Of course, he was your TA. He didn’t want to be in any sort of relationship with you. Why the fuck would you even think he was interested in you – in that way?

“Ben-”

He leaned closer to you. You could almost swear he wanted to kiss you. It was indicated by the way his eyes traveled between your eyes and lips for a few moments. 

“Forget what happened at Phasma’s. I never make the same mistake twice,” he spat maliciously. 

He stood up. You felt as if you couldn’t say anything in response to that. I guess, now you really knew how he felt about you and those kisses you shared. It was all just a mistake. You were frozen in place, completely shocked by his sudden outburst of rage.

You watched as he took his coffee and stormed out of the shop.


	7. Chapter 7

Ben ran his hands down the length of his dark jeans once again. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been nervous to read his poetry. Why was he so nervous? His fingers outlined the box of cigarettes in his pocket.

Then again, you might be in the audience. This would be his first time reading in front of you. That thought was scary. He could imagine you staring at him with those pretty eyes you had. 

He pulled a cigarette from the box in his pocket. 

He almost hoped that you wouldn’t be there to watch him. He twisted the cigarette back and forth between his fingers. He would be even more on edge.

At the same time, he really wished that you would show up. Would you be in the crowd tonight?

He had gotten dressed up… just in case, you _did_ decide to show up. He was wearing a black t-shirt that hugged close to his body. On top of that, he had thrown on a gray sports jacket. He had even spent three whole minutes styling his hair so it wouldn’t fall on his face like it usually did. He wanted to impress you.

And, if you didn’t show up, well, he would, at least, look good and read some great poetry.

“Ben,” Hux said, “Are you ready?“

Ben pushed the mangled cigarette into his pocket before he responded.

“I’m ready.”

He slipped through the curtains and out onto the stage. It was brighter than it had ever felt on that small stage. He squinted and tried to see out into the darkness. He searched back and forth in the crowded bar. And, sure enough, smack dab in the middle of the floor, you were sitting at a table with Poe and Finn.

Ben gasped quietly.

You looked absolutely beautiful. Ben knew that it wasn’t because you didn’t look beautiful normally. He had thought you were beautiful when he laid eyes on you. However, tonight, there was just a certain amount of care that went into your look. You were wearing a dress that complimented your figure unlike anything else he’d ever seen you wearing. He could clearly see your best features on display. 

Then, his eyes rested on your face. It was the same face you’d always had. The only thing that was different was the light amount of makeup on your face that accentuated your natural beauty. _  
_

_Shit, shit, shit._

He could feel his hands shaking.

_Get it together, Ben._

He focused back on the task at hand. As much as he would like to spend the night staring at you, he needed to read his poems. _Maybe I can do that later_. 

He looked down and grabbed the stool with his hand and pulled it towards himself. He sat down on it and shifted in order to get comfortable. Some shrimp must have been using the mic before him because it was a little too low. His hands shook as he wrapped them around the knob and adjusted the height of the stand. 

He released his grip on the stand. The stage was set and all he had to do was read his poem.

He cleared his throat and flipped open to the bookmarked page in his notebook. For the first time in a while, he felt that he needed to read his words. He needed to get this right.

“Dad, I forgot to tell you,” he read the title of the poem.

All of a sudden, he dove into the poem. The words flowed effortlessly from his mouth as if he were reliving his past once again. It stung as if someone had plunged a knife into his chest and slowly twisted it around with each word. 

Ben had forgotten to tell his father so many things before he passed away. 

He could never tell his Dad how much he loved to do crosswords in the newspaper with him on Sunday mornings. Ben couldn’t thank his father for teaching him how to ride a bike. 

He had simply forgotten to say so many things. The memories of he had with his recently deceased father washed over his thoughts. There were so many joyful moments that hit him first; and, yet, like a monster lurking in the shadows, the saddest memories washed over him directly after. 

He was releasing all his emotions into his words. Before he knew it, he had reached the final line of the poem.

“Dad, I forgot to tell you that I loved you.“

That was the end. He exhaled and looked up from his notebook at the crowd. 

It was like a completely different audience had filtered in since the beginning of his reading. He caught his eyes drifting over to you. He could see tears on your face. 

He had shown you what poetry could make you feel - and, for that reason, he smiled very weakly at you. He knew you were watching him.

That’s when the crowd erupted with clapping.

Ben broke eye contact with you. His body froze from the unexpected cheering. He never expected such a positive response from his words; however, he always seemed to receive one.

As if sensing the fact that Ben was unable to move, Hux came out on stage and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“And that will conclude our reading for the evening. Thank you so much for coming out,” Hux said into the mic before shutting it off.

“That was beautiful, Ben. Well done. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” he muttered as he wiped a stray tear from his face. 

Ben couldn’t help but feel terrible. The reality of the poem hit him hard every time he read it.  He could go speak to his father’s grave; but, that always creeped him out. He really didn’t believe that talking to a stone would fix his problems.

He shook the thought from his head and stood from the stool. He needed a god damn drink before he went insane with the overwhelming sadness that he now felt. He hopped off the stage. He needed to wash away those memories as quickly as possible. He pushed his way through the crowd until he reached the bar.

“Whiskey, neat,” the dead tone that flowed through his voice made the bartender jump to attention. 

It was only a matter of seconds before a glass with the amber liquid was in front of him. He picked it up and swirled it around for a few moments. 

“Cheers to you, Dad,” he muttered before he threw his head back and downed the whiskey in one gulp. Ben realized that he needed to distract himself… and he knew the perfect distraction.

_Where is Y/N?_

He scanned the bar until his eyes landed on you. You were across from him. For a moment, he could have sworn that he saw your eyes meet his. Then again, the darkness of the bar was probably playing a trick on his eyes. You were too busy talking to Poe and Finn to even look at him. 

God, he really wanted to talk to you. He wanted to ask you how your day had been and if you wanted another drink… Then, maybe, you could continue your conversation somewhere else - somewhere a bit more private.

**If only he could get your attention….**

He stared you down for an overwhelming twenty-five seconds. You never tore your eyes away from Finn or Poe. Why weren’t you looking at him?

He could tell you weren’t interested.

Hell, you were only here because he had said it was for a fucking grade. He let a low groan escape from his lips. How idiotic could he be? He fucking liked you! Why did he say something so stupid? 

He pushed the glass back across the smooth wooden counter.

“Keep them coming,” he said to the bartender.

He would sling back shots so he could forget his regrets with his father. He would drown himself in liquor so he would forget your name. By the time the night was out, he hoped he wouldn’t even remember his own name.


	8. Chapter 8

You watched as Finn effortlessly sunk the last ball into the pocket of the pool table. _That was a lucky shot._

“I do believe you owe me,” Finn said. 

Your eyes jumped to Poe, who had a look of sheer shock plastered across his face. He was probably betting on winning and getting a free drink; however, Poe had lost. It was time pay the piper - he owed Finn one kiss. Poe placed his pool cue onto the top of the fuzzy green table.

You watched as Finn just stood there with the goofiest smile on his face. He leaned against the rod. He was so damn cocky about the whole thing.

_Did he have a crush on Poe?_

Finn’s voice interrupted your thoughts when he simply said, “Pucker up.”

You watched them, rather curiously. Would Poe kiss Finn?

Apparently, they would kiss. You covered your gasp as you watched the two of them lock lips. _Guess they were going to kiss…  
_

You couldn’t watch it though. It was rude to stare at two people kissing. You glanced away to the other side of the room. _If only, there was someone who would kiss you like that…_

In the far corner of the room, a man with long hair caught your eye. He was turned away from you and seemed rather upset about something, waving his hands in a clear form of agitation. _Ben._ You could recognize him anywhere.

It was also obviously him because you could see Hux, with his hand lightly resting on Phasma’s waist. He wasn’t responding to Ben’s rage. Hux just seemed to stand there and endure the heat.

“Okay, new game!”

You turned back to the table. It was hard for you to focus in the loud room. The first thing you noticed was the bright red blush that was spread across Poe’s face and down his neck. He smiled widely at you. _He must have liked that kiss._

“This time, you have to play, Y/N,” Finn said. 

You rolled your eyes. Of course, you had to play.

“Do I get a kiss if I win?”

Finn laughed, “From both of us – sure.”

“I don’t know how to play,” you admitted. 

You understood that the goal was to sink the colored balls into the pockets, but you couldn’t figure out how to use the pool cue. It was a little embarrassing. You never liked to admit that you couldn’t do something. It made you feel weak.

“I’ll show you, I’m a great teacher,” Poe said. Whatever he had been drinking was certainly boosting his confidence. You couldn’t really tell whether or not it was a good thing.

You took the pole out of his hands.

“The first thing you’re going to do is put your pinky down against the table.”

You switched the pole from your right to your left hand.

“No, no,” he waved his hands, wildly, “use your left,” he said.

“This isn’t my left?”

He scoffed, “No! You know what? Here, let me help,” he said as he came around behind you. You could feel his toned back against yours. He easily reached around your body and fiddled with your hand until it was in a weird position.

“Now,” he said, “Don’t move and just put the cue stick through that hole you’re making with your index finger and thumb.”

“Oh,” Poe said. 

“What?”

The heat of his body left yours. You could feel the hairs standing on edge on the back of your neck. _Why did he leave so suddenly? Who was behind you? Why weren’t you turning around to see who it was?_

You felt a warm body slide up against yours. The overwhelming stench of cigarettes and alcohol overpowered your sense of smell. There was only one person that you knew that smelled like that.

“Relax,” you heard Ben’s voice in your ear. 

Your body automatically released most of the tension it held at the sound of his soothing voice. There was also something comforting about the way he smelled. It was like returning home after a long trip. The smell that still stuck on the shirt he had given you the last time you had kissed…

Your eyes drifed from the cue ball to your hand. His left hand lightly brushed yours. That really wasn’t where your attention was, though.

You could feel Ben’s hips against your ass. An absurd amount of heat pooled between the two of your bodies. You could definitely feel a little bit more than you should have, rubbing against you. _He was turned on_. You could feel his hardness poking against you.

You stared at your left hand as it shook wildly. 

“Now,” his long fingers on his left hand wrapped around your wrist, holding your hand steady, “You’re just going to take the stick and,” he guided your other hand. He had to let go of your wrist to ensure you inserted the stick into the hole you’d made.

_Wow, this was so wrong on so many levels._

“Good,” he cooed against your hair, “Now, just tap the cue ball. Aim for the top ball in the triangle.”

You inhaled sharply as you pulled the stick back. You didn’t really know what you were doing. You rammed it roughly into the cue ball.

The ball bounced off the table and onto the floor. 

“Aw, shit,” you said. You quickly straightened upright, pushing your back into Ben’s chest. _That didn’t feel so great._ It was apparent that you had moved far too quickly. _Shit._ You swayed a bit on your feet. You were dizzy.

But, you weren’t going anywhere, thankfully. You felt Ben’s warm hands steady your hips. _Why did it feel so right to be so close to him?_ He kept you grounded in the moment until it passed. 

“Nice,” Poe said with an eye roll, picking up the ball from the floor.

“Hey, you weren’t much better when you started,” Finn defended.

For some reason, Poe, Finn, and everyone else around you seemed to get lost in the loudness of the bar. You turned around and leaned against the pool table. Both of your hands were planted against the smooth wooden edge of the table.

His eyes weren’t dilated like you expected them to be. You thought he’d have to be drunk to be so touchy with you; however, it seemed like he was just nursing a strong buzzed feeling.

“Hey,” he said quietly. 

“Hey yourself,” you responded.

His eyes darted back and forth between your two eyes. “You,” he started. He closed his mouth, his eyes went up to the ceiling. Clearly, he hadn’t lost his filter. 

Whatever he was going to say just died on his tongue.

“Me?”

He dropped his head. It seemed like he was seriously struggling to tell you something. You weren’t exactly sure though. He was acting strangely.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he blurted out.

You blinked a few times. _Was he being serious?_ You really couldn’t tell. Then again, why would he be insincere about buying a drink?

“Yeah, sure,” you said. Even though you weren’t in the mood to get completely drunk, you could have one drink. What harm could **one** drink do?

That seemed to be the answer he was hoping for. Warmth flooded your hand. You didn’t have a chance to turn around to say anything to Finn or Poe because you were being tugged along so quickly. Ben pulled you out of the pool room. You glanced down and noticed his larger hand held yours inside of it. It was as if he were holding a butterfly inside of his hands. He held your hand firmly in his  grasp; however, it was also incredibly gentle. 

Before he approached the bar, he turned to you. Unexpectedly, he came closer to you, which forced you to back up. You stopped once your back hit a wall. _What the hell was he doing?_

His hand dropped out of your hand and brushed against your face. The other hand dropped to your hip.

“I’ve wanted to do this all night,” he whispered.

His lips pressed against yours. You hungrily kissed him back, as if it had been years since you last kissed. In reality, it had only been a few days. 

Your fingers hooked in the belt loops of his jeans as you pulled him closer to you. 

One of your hands _might_ have brushed against his hardened dick. You couldn’t really help but be curious about it. Was it as big as it had felt against your ass? His hips rocked against your hand. _Yes. Yes it was._

He stopped kissing you and pulled away. You watched as his chest heaved up and down rapidly as if the air in the room was being drained away. His breathing sounded labored. His eyes were wide and wild. 

You felt your stomach grumble. You lightly tapped it, trying to subdue the sound of the rumbling.

_What the hell?  
_

Your hands dropped to your sides.

Ben groaned. “What are you doing?” 

You shrugged in a playful manner. 

Suddenly, his lips were against yours again, vigorously kissing you. Apparently, he liked what you were doing. He grabbed you hand and guided it back below his belt. Using the tip of your index finger, you easily outlined the shape of what he had hidden underneath his jeans.

“I want you,” he admitted between kisses.

You couldn’t take it anymore. You didn’t just want more - you needed more. So, you pushed your tongue into his mouth. He released a deep and gutteral moan. He’d never reacted like that before - then again, you had only ever kissed him when you were drunk. You realized that he was a much better kisser than you remembered. His tongue expertly danced with yours. It didn’t last much longer, unfortunately.

Ben broke away from the kiss.

“Mine,” he whispered.

Or, at least, you thought that was what he whispered. You weren’t entirely sure though.

“What?”

The moment had clearly passed. Either that, or he didn’t want to hear you. He blinked a few times as he stared at you - it was like watching a computer overload with information. Something was happening in his brain. Oddly enough, his blinking eventually evened out after a few more seconds.

“Let’s get you that drink.”

“Honestly, I don’t even really want a drink,” you admitted.

His eyes were wide, “Tell me… what do you want, Y/N? Name it.”

Your stomach answered for you. Your eyes searched his until you finally admitted what you wanted.

* * *

“Is this worth it?” Ben asked.

You scoffed. What a silly question. The line was only ten people long. Earlier in the night, there would have been a line out the door. By the time 2:30AM had rolled around, most people had returned home. Normally, you would be back in your bed. 

“You can get a slice of any kind of pizza for a dollar. How could that not be worth it?”

A smirk crept up onto his face. You were so enamored by how handsome he looked with that small smile. There was something about the way he looked underneath the flickering light that made you feel your heart beat a little bit faster. Could it have been the way that his eyes glistened? Or, could it have been the way he was staring at you?

He squeezed your hand, returning you to reality.

“I guess you’re right.”

That was embarrassing. You felt a blush creep up onto your face and you looked down at your hands. He had caught you staring at him. He probably thought you were crazy or something for staring at him for so long. The other awkward part about the whole situation was your conjoined hands. You’d never felt more comfortable with another human being than you did in that moment.

His other hand lifted your chin up.

“Look at me,” he pleaded. 

You looked from your conjoined hands up to his face. He was still looking at your face.

“You are beautiful.”

“T-thanks,” you stuttered.

The two of you were first in line. Of course, you ordered your favorite slice of pizza and so didn’t Ben. Before you could pull out your wallet, he paid for it.

The two of you quickly found a place to sit and ate your slices of pizza. The tiny pizza shop was pretty loud; but, you and Ben were silent. You were just so damn hungry that you didn’t even care. You inhaled your pizza.

_That was definitely what you needed._

The two of you sat there for a few minutes after you had finished, just staring at each other.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” 

You bit your lip. _Did you want to?_ Yes. _Would it be the responsible thing to do?_ No. Ben had been drinking. You weren’t exactly sure if he was sober. You didn’t want to force him into anything. He never forced you into it so it was only fair that you returned the favor.

It wouldn’t be right.

“For a cup of coffee?”

Why would you want to drink coffee at 2AM? You frowned. That wasn’t something you were interested in.

“Would you rather I walked you home?” he said.

You nodded. It was getting late. The two of you cleaned your table off and threw your empty plates into the trash can. It was only a matter of minutes before the two of you were outside of the pizza place.

He heaved in a breath. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. Interestingly enough, he didn’t light it. He just rolled it back and forth between his fingers.

“Which way?” he asked.

You tilted your head towards the direction of your place. He tucked the cigarette behind his ear. 

With a soft smile on his face, he offered his hand to you. You interlaced your fingers with his. It felt right. A smile crept up on your face.

The two of you strolled together, hand and hand, down the sidewalk and into the silence of the night.


	9. Chapter 9

And, after you and Ben had been walking for a few minutes, you stopped. You couldn’t really help it: you were scared. It was really dark and most of the street lights were out. 

Even with Ben by your side, you could feel it wasn’t safe to walk another mile. It was just too dark.

 _Maybe you should just stay at his place?_ He probably lived somewhere in town. Hopefully, it wasn’t too far… Would he think you were trying to sleep with him? You were shaking. It didn’t matter. You just wanted to be inside now. 

“Where do you live?” you asked him.

He pointed at the building you stopped in front of. This was one of the fanciest apartment complexes in town. _Something wasn’t right about this._

You had looked at it when you first moved here because the facade of the building. It had given off the impression that the building was much older. You had assumed that the units inside would be just as outdated as the pink paint that flaked off the front.

However, when you checked their website, you had seen you had been severely incorrect… The entire interior was redone recently. It was gorgeous on the inside of the units with all wood flooring.

_He really lived here? Was he lying?_

“It’s really dark-”

“It’s probably not safe to walk much further,” he interrupted. 

He released your hand to pull the glass door open.

“After you,” he said.

You nodded and walked inside. The second set of doors were held open for you by an elderly man.

“Good evening, Ben,” the doorman said as he stared at Ben. His eyes darted to you before he tipped his head downwards, “Ma’am.”

 _Why the hell was there a doorman? It seemed a little silly… and excessive…_  

However, he fit right into the silly and excessive lobby. It was just as ornate as the pictures you’d seen online, if not more so. The floors were made of finely polished marble. You could see the reflection of the crystal chandelier. Everything was expensive.

**_How could Ben afford to live here? Weren’t graduate students poor?_ ** _Something wasn’t adding up…  
_

“Hello,” Ben said to the door man before taking your hand. The clicking of his dress shoes and your shoes were the only sounds in the lobby. It was almost 2:45 AM at that point. 

He led the way to an elevator on the other side of the lobby.

“Wow,” you said.

Ben didn’t respond to you. The doors to the elevator slid open and he walked in. He released your hand in order to press the button marked 7.

The boring elevator music started to play. It was going to be an awkward elevator ride. You shifted on your feet. You didn’t want to spend the elevator ride kissing Ben… that would probably send the wrong message.

You stared at his profile of his face. He was just staring upwards at the ceiling of the elevator. He was lost in thought or something. You could see that he had more freckles than you initially noticed. They trailed off his face and down his neck.

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.

He turned to face you as if realizing you were staring at him. His brown eyes softened when they connected with yours.

“Y/N.” 

He looked between your lips and your eyes.

Just then, your cell phone buzzed. You broke eye contact with him.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, lamely. You pulled out your phone and read the message you’d just received… more like the 17 messages you had received since you left the bar. You didn’t bother reading through all of them. They were just from Poe.

**Where the hell did you go?! -Poe**

You rolled your eyes. Of course, he would be concerned about you.

**With Ben. Talk tomorrow.  
**

You shut your phone off and looked over at Ben. His normally pale skin was adorned with a light red tinge. _Was he blushing?_ That was cute. You giggled. 

Just then, the elevator buzzed.

“This is it,” Ben said. You felt his warm hand rest lightly on the center of your back. _It felt right_. _Why did it feel so right?_ He guided you forward very gently. He kept his hand there as the two of you walked down the narrow hallway. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” he randomly blurted.

He stopped suddenly and fished around into his pocket. 

_Did you?  
_

”Yeah,” you responded.

He first pulled out his wallet and then his keys. He wasn’t overly eager to put them on the door. He bounced them in his hands.

“What?”

He jumped a little and turned his attention back to you.

“Nothing, nothing,” he said. He shoved the keys into the door and it unlocked with a click.

He pushed the door open and walked inside. You watched as he placed his wallet and keys on a side table.

“So, uh,” he said.

You looked around the main room. It was quite interesting. There wasn’t anything really there. Sure, there was a stove and a fridge with beautiful granite counter tops. There was all wood flooring. But, aside from that, it was sparsely decorated. He had a bookshelf filled with books and a table with two chairs. That was it.

“I don’t have a couch-”

“It’s fine,” you said, “I can sleep on the floor.”

He sighed, “No, you’re not sleeping on the floor.”

“So, I’ll take the table?” you said with a laugh before walking in a small circle.

“No,” he scoffed, “Come on.” 

He dragged you into the bedroom.

* * *

Exactly ten minutes later, you were in Ben’s bed and he was on the floor. You couldn’t help but feel bad. This was his bed. He should have been in his own bed.

“Ben,” you whispered.

“Mmmm.” 

“Come up here.”

“No,” he grunted.

“Please?”

He sighed and he stood up. He got in on the other side of the bed.

“Happy?” 

You rolled over until you were face to face with him. In fact, you were so close that your noses were brushing against each other. You stared into his half closed brown eyes. He seemed tired.

You shifted so you were closer to him which caused your lips to brush his. He didn’t move an inch. The only difference in his appearance was that his eyes were wide open.

He still wasn’t moving.

You placed a gentle kiss on his lips that lasted for only a moment.

But, you couldn’t keep doing that. You needed more. You fully pressed your lips to his. He wasn’t leading the kiss - you were. For the first time in a while, you were in control of something in your life. He broke away from you.

“Not like this.”

It felt as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. He wasn’t going to pressure you into anything. His arms went around your body, pulling you closer.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” you snuggled closer to him. Your legs tangled with his.

You couldn’t help but run a hand over his toned and bare chest.

Suddenly, his warm hand was wrapped around yours.

“Don’t do that,” he warned.

“Why not?”

He kissed your hand lightly and released it from his grip, “Because it turns me on.”

“Oh.”

“Good night, Y/N,” he said as he pressed a kiss to your nose.

This whole thing just felt so out of place. You felt weird about sleeping next to Ben. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this, was it? Even though it was awkward, there was a distinct feeling of happiness flowing through your body. You still couldn’t put the pieces of the puzzle together. There was something Ben wasn’t telling you.

That made you absolutely terrified. _What if he was an assassin when he wasn’t at school and he was hired to kill you? What if that was how he made money?  
_

Okay, that might have just been a mixture of your creativity and anxiety…

You weren’t sure what he was hiding; but, you were certain that you would find out.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been two days since the incident involving Ben. You had slipped out early in the morning and walked home, without giving it a second thought. 

It was wrong - It was all _wrong._

You weren’t supposed to be attracted to Ben. He was your TA. And, spending all your time thinking about Ben would jeopardize your education. You couldn’t let that happen. 

You had to be an adult.

So, that brought you to why you were sitting in the middle of your usual coffee shop with a pile of poetry books. Your assignment was due on Tuesday.

You tossed Hux’s book of poetry to the side. It wasn’t like you didn’t like his poetry; however, you weren’t enjoying it either. It felt very static and read more like an instruction manual than a book of poetry.

There was only one book left in the pile that you hadn’t read.

_Black River by Kylo Ren.  
_

You picked up the book. It felt cold in your hands. The cover was entirely black with a shimmery and semi-reflective black texture. It looked just like a black river.

You flipped open to the title page. Your eyes were drawn to the flowing cursive signature _._ Your fingers brushed over the indentations in the thin paper.

It was an autographed copy.

You flipped to the next page. Not only was the book autographed, but, it was a first edition. 

Your face contorted.

_How much was this thing worth?  
_

You quickly typed your question into google.

$1,500 – and that wasn’t even a first edition. _Who is this guy?_ You typed his name into Google and pressed Search.

**Kylo Ren is the pen name of an American writer whose real name, date and place of birth and details of biography are all subject to dispute.  
**

Well, that wasn’t helpful at all. You closed your laptop. 

Something about this whole situation just wasn’t right. How did Ben, a graduate student, have a signed first edition of Kylo Ren’s poetry?

_He could know Kylo Ren… or… he could be Kylo Ren.  
_

You laughed at the last part of your thought. Ben? A published and famous poet? 

Why would he bother to go to graduate school? That would be a waste of money. Then again, if he had all that money, it wouldn’t really matter, would it? You sighed.

Your phone buzzed on the table next to you.

_Don’t look so sad, you’re ruining my date. -Phasma  
_

You glanced around the coffee shop to see her and Hux, sitting by the window. You rolled your eyes. _Why was she so concerned about you, anyways?_ Just then, she stood up and turned away from the table, walking in your direction. 

Hux turned directly to you and gave you a small smile with a wave.

_Oh God. What if he knew about what happened between you and Ben?_

Your pulse quickened.

”Okay, why are you sulking over poetry?” 

Your eyes refocused on Phasma, who looked absolutely stunning in a boldly patterned blue dress. She seemed a bit overdressed for a coffee date.

”No reason,” you shot back at her.

”Come on, I know what happened on Friday night,” she said as she pulled out the chair across from yours, “You went back to Ben’s place… Did he not call you afterwards?”

You closed the book in your hands, “It wasn’t like that.”

She sat down.

“Then what was it like?”

”We didn’t… have sex,” you muttered, “We just fell asleep. It was nothing.”

“Ben certainly didn’t think it was nothing.”

You felt a smile creep up onto your face. “He didn’t?”

She shrugged, “You’ll have to ask him about it.”

“Come on, you can’t tease me like that!” you groaned, pulling at the hair on the top of your head.

“Well, he’s coming here to meet Hux in ten minutes. You can ask him when he’s here.”

“What?”

That’s when Hux pulled up a chair next to Phasma.

“So, how’s the class going?” he asked as he casually flopped his arm around the back of Phasma’s chair.

“It’s good,” you said as you rearranged the pile of books that Ben had given you.

“I see you have one of my books,” he said as he picked it off the top of your pile. “This is the worst book I’ve ever published.”

“Really?”

He nodded, “Only fifty copies sold.”

_That was pretty terrible._

“Hux, Phasma,” there was a long pause before the voice rumbled again, “Y/N.”

You glanced away from Hux to see Ben, standing next to you. He was wearing a green and black shirt with a pair of jeans. His hair was still wet, like he had just jumped out of the shower and ran over to the coffee shop.

“Oh, good, you’re here,” Hux said, “We have some things to talk about.”

You couldn’t be bothered to turn and watch Hux stand up…

Because Ben’s eyes were on yours. He was looking at you as if it would be the last time he would ever see you. His eyes were desperately staring at you, pleading for something. That could have just been your imagination running wild.

He opened his mouth but shut it, as if he decided not to say anything.

“Okay,” he said before following Hux away.

“Did you see how he looked at you?” Phasma asked.

“Yeah.”

She sighed, “It’s Hux, isn’t it? Are you afraid that he would fail you because of it?”

You hadn’t even thought of that.

“He wouldn’t do that. He might just make it so Ben doesn’t give you grades at all,” Phasma said, “He’d grade all the coursework.”

“Why don’t I just take the class with Hux?” you replied in a sarcastic tone.

“He doesn’t have time to teach it. I asked.”

“Oh.” She took it seriously. That was a little awkward.

“I know it’s not perfect, but… you should think about giving Ben a chance. I see the way the two of you look at each other. Honestly, I think there’s more going on than either of you have told me.”

“I don’t want to fail,” you responded.

“Do you really care about failing or are you just using it as an excuse?”

“I don’t want an F.”

“So you don’t want Ben?”

You rolled your lip into your mouth and looked across the crowded coffee shop. Ben’s eyes connected with yours before he went back to looking at Hux. 

Of course, you wanted Ben. **You’d have to be crazy to _not_ want Ben.**

He was handsome. He was a great kisser. He was the most sensitive man you’d ever met. He was passionate. 

You could make a grocery list of a hundred adjectives that you could associate with Ben; however, it still wouldn’t accurately explain why you liked him so much. 

Your feelings towards him were rather illogical. They just came out of nowhere.

“I do.”

“Go get him.”

You glanced back to the table where Hux and Ben were sitting. Ben’s eyes were intensely focused on you. You stood up.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” you said as you walked away. You headed towards Ben’s table.

You tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t because you wanted to talk to Ben. You needed to go to the bathroom, or, at least, that’s what you had told Phasma.

Your eyes traveled up and down Ben’s body as you smoothly moved past the table.

“Excuse me,” you heard his low voice mutter.

You arrived at the small alcove. To your left was the men’s room and to your right was the women’s room. You stopped for a moment to admire the beautiful orchid that was placed on the small table directly between the two restrooms.

And, you thought that Ben would spin you around and lift you onto that table. He would kiss you. It would feel like the days you had spent apart were actually years and years. His body would be pressed against yours with indescribable need. It wouldn’t be like any of the other times you kissed. This would have so much more meaning attached to it.

That, of course, didn’t happen. This wasn’t some romance book that you were writing. This was the real world.

You pushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind you, to shut out the rest of the world.


	11. Chapter 11

As you pushed through the door of the bathroom and back to the outside world, you kept your eyes focused on your feet.

_How could you even think that Ben would be interested in you?  
_

You had to stop walking though. You noticed a pair of dark brown loafers appear in front of your feet. You didn’t look up as you tried to navigate around the person; however, the feet seemed to block you.

“Y/N,” you lifted your head up to see Ben.

”Oh.”

”Uh, how has your day been?” he asked. You watched him shove his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

”Ordinary.”

”Have you been… doing anything?”

You could feel your brow furrow. He was being weird.

”Work.”

”Right, right,” he said, “Uh, listen, about what happened-”

”Just forget that it happened,” you filled in, “You were drunk-”

He scoffed, “Do you ever stop talking? Let me finish.”

You waved your hand towards him, gesturing for him to continue with whatever he wanted to say. This conversation could only go two ways - either he would say that he regretted it, like he did when you first kissed at Phasma’s party, or, he would say that he wanted it to happen again. You were fairly certain that the regret had washed over him.

Why wouldn’t he have tried to contact you if he did want to continue on with… whatever was going on?

You watched as he rubbed one of his hands up and down, in a slow pattern, against his upper arm.

”I just wanted to…” he stopped moving his hand.

His mouth contorted in an odd way, almost as if he had mouthwash inside of it and he was just swishing it around.

”Well, what I mean to say is…”

_Why couldn’t he just spit it out already?  
_

“Y/N? Ben?”

The sound of Hux’s voice made your blood run cold. How would you even explain this awkward situation? 

“Hi,” you squeaked out.

“Hello…” he raised his brow at the both of you. He looked back and forth between you, as if trying to understand what was happening. 

“Y/N was letting me try out a new style: free form.”

Hux rolled his eyes, “Can you do it somewhere else, preferably, somewhere that isn’t blocking the bathroom?”

He shook his head once he had said that, though. 

“Phasma did tell me that you’ve finally settled your differences.”

”Yes,” Ben responded in a cheery tone.

“Good!”

You could feel a warm rush of heat towards your cheeks. _That was definitely one way to describe it._ Although, you doubted Hux would be smiling if he knew what was going on between the two of you.

”Well, if you’ll excuse me,” he gestured towards the bathroom door. 

He pushed inside the bathroom and then, your vision was blocked by Ben’s face.

”Finally,” he groaned as he brushed his finger pads over your face. 

Without saying another word, the two of you kissed. 

The kiss was a quiet conversation - your lips never stayed together with Ben’s for more than a second or two. It wasn’t something that would be heard or really noticed by anyone else. 

You smiled as you wrapped one of your hands around his neck. Under your fingers, you could feel the prickly but rounded goosebumps that covered his neck. You probably had them too. 

The kiss, as soft and gentle as it was, also had this electric undercurrent. It was exciting. He kept changing the angle of his head so that. when your lips met, it felt like a completely different and exciting kiss each time. 

The most interesting part of the kiss was that he wasn’t pressuring you into anything more physical. He wasn’t pushing his tongue into your mouth or trying to get you to kiss him with passion. It was just soft and gentle.

It ended far too quickly for your liking, though. As Ben pulled away, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness wash over you. The loss was instant - your lips felt a bit colder than before.

“Come over my place in an hour,” he whispered before he simply walked away.

_Would you end up going to his apartment?_

* * *

About an hour later, you had somehow managed to get into Ben’s apartment building without his help. The door pinged open to his floor and you were about to step out of the elevator.

Ben was standing in the hallway, talking to this woman.

Your jaw nearly hit the floor. She was absolutely gorgeous. God, she was everything you weren’t. She even had a musical sounding laugh that was just overly infectious. You couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

However, you abruptly stopped laughing. The woman kissed his cheek. 

You realized what his secret was.

The woman threw her arms around him and hugged him. You could see the shiny diamond engagement ring on her finger. It was a huge rock. It moved up and down as it rubbed circles on Ben’s back. 

That’s what he had been hiding from you… _  
_

_He was engaged!_

“Perfect,” she said to him.

“Thank you.”

And then, Ben started talking in hushed tones with her.

_You’d known it had been too good to be true._

You stayed inside the elevator, pressing the button to keep the door open so you could try to hear what he was saying. That didn’t last long because your hand slipped and pressed the button to close the door on accident. The sound of the sliding door was too loud to be able to hear any voices over.

_Ben never wanted you the way you wanted him._

And, then, the elevator was called to the ground floor. You just stepped off. Why were you even trying to be with him? You could barely see as you hurried out of the elevator and across the lobby.

You weren’t sad about Ben being with another woman - you were angry with yourself. How could you just let him walk all over you like that and use you? Were you just one of his hundreds of women he kept on the side when his fiancée was away and he was lonely?

“Miss? Are you alright?” the doorman asked.

“It’s just my allergies,” you lied.

You pushed your way through the revolving door at a speed that was too fast. Your feet tripped over each other as you exited from it. You nearly fell over because of your loss of balance.

The tears were flowing freely now.

You had been played.


	12. Chapter 12

It was Thursday.

Normally, you would be ecstatic that it was Thursday - you were so close to the end of the week. Unfortunately, it was that horrible time of the semester when you had all your midterms crammed into one day. That day happened to be Friday. 

At least the library was quiet. There wasn’t another soul on this floor. That was why you always picked it. Who would think that the music library floor would be the quietest?

The silence didn’t stop your brain from spinning. You flipped through the old textbook. You’d been studying non-stop. You hadn’t left the 4th floor of the library since you arrived yesterday morning. The worst part was that you couldn’t even bring yourself to leave the library to get some sleep.

Of course, the lack of rest was catching up to you.

You blinked slowly as you slumped into the book. Your nose twitched. The overpowering scent of must poured out from the crevice between the pages. Your eyelids felt like coarse sand paper against your eyes, grating every time you blinked.

Just as you were about to completely pass out, you felt a warm hand on your back.

“AH!” you shouted as you bolted upright in your chair.

You turned to the side and noticed Poe. Your eyes were drawn to his bold blue tie that was fastened to his shirt with a silvery tie clip. He seemed over dressed for the library.

”What the hell has been going on with you? I haven’t heard from you since you ran off with Ben on Friday.”

You shrugged as you rubbed your eyes. 

“We’ve been friends since Kindergarten and, all of a sudden, you’re just done with talking to me?” he accused.

”It’s not like that,” you said.

”It’s because I kissed Finn, isn’t it? Look, it was just…” he trailed off, “It was just a stupid mistake.”

You propped your heavy head up against your hand, “What do you mean?”

He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. Suddenly, you noticed that he had put a cup of coffee underneath your nose. You smiled as you took it from his hands.

”It,” he trailed as he looked away from you. He didn’t finish his sentence.

”What about Ben?” he questioned.

”What about him?”

His eyes were back on yours as he rolled them. That was when you noticed how bloodshot they were. Clearly, there was something wrong. You took a sip of the coffee and put it down on the table.

There was no way that you could let that slide. Even if you were exhausted, you cared about your friend. You also needed a break from these books. You closed the book in front of you.

He cleared his throat, “Did anything happen?”

“No,” you lied easily. You wanted to focus on him. You could tell him about that later. “Did anything happen between you and Finn?”

You refocused your eyes on his. In that moment, he looked away from you.

The uncomfortable silence that fell over the two of you indicated that something, indeed, had happened.

You waited patiently for his response.

“We,” he choked out. He still wasn’t looking at you, “We went to his place.”

“Yeah?” 

“And he and I… we…” he put his head into his hands, “We had sex,” he squeaked out.

“It was the best night of my life and I left. I couldn’t… I’d never been with another man before and…” he ran his fingers through his helplessly messy hair again, “I just panicked. It was amazing. I just. I never thought I would… I’d thought about it so many times but never really considered it being anything more than a dream.”

He paused as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“The worst part is that he won’t even talk to me!”

You rolled your lips into your mouth. You couldn’t help but feel bad for Poe. It was fairly obvious that the two of them had feelings for each other. How in the world could you help them see that?

Just then you heard shoes clicking around on the floor of the library.

You turned away.

“Ben?” 

“Y/N,” he said as he shifted his bag on his shoulder. You couldn’t help but notice how disheveled he appeared. Did he have midterms, too?

“Poe,” Ben said with a small nod.

The silence that fell over the three of you was overwhelming.

“There’s something I need to show you,” Ben said, “It’ll only take a minute or so.”

You nodded as you stood up. You turned to Poe and ran your fingers through his hair. You weren’t sure how to solve his problem just yet. So, you needed to distract yourself from your distraction… with another distraction.

“I’ll be back,” you said. You didn’t bother taking any of your stuff with you as you followed Ben between the stacks.

Before you could comprehend what was happening, your back was up against a wall-mounted shelf. Ben cupped your face in his hands.

“You didn’t show up.”

You pushed his hands away from his face, “I did. I saw you with your fiancée.”

He raised his brow at your remark.

“Fiancée?”

“Yes, the woman with the big rock on her finger!” you whispered at him.

“My publisher?” 

“What?”

“You saw my publisher,” he said, shifting back and forth on his feet.

“Publisher?”

“Yes.”

You could feel your face wrinkle up. Publisher? 

“Why do you need a publisher?”

“When I finish my studies, I plan on publishing a book of poetry. Why?”

“It certainly didn’t seem like that.”

“She’s engaged to my old roommate, Dopheld Mitaka,” he said, “But, that’s not important. Did you really think I was engaged?”

“Well, you could still be!”

He pushed his lips to yours in a heated kiss. You could feel his anger and passion rolling off of his body. His hands gripped your hips as he ground his body against yours. 

You pushed him off of you.

“That’s exactly how a guy would respond if he only wanted sex,” you said.

“Is there any point in your life where you think about the words you want to say before they come out of your mouth?” he shot back, “If that was the case, why would I be here?”

“I don’t know.”

He shook his head, “I don’t know either. I don’t know how to prove that I want you.” 

“Take me out on a date.”

He glanced over your face before a huge smile illuminated his face. It was a bit terrifying. You had never seen him smile that way.

“I’ll pick you up. Tomorrow at 8,” he kissed your cheek before he disappeared back into the maze of the library.

You couldn’t help but sigh. 

What had you gotten yourself into this time?

Your feet brought you back towards your table. By that time, Poe was snoring on the table. He must have not slept in a while. You approached him and gently rubbed his back.

“Come on, you can sleep on my couch,” you said as you pulled him out of the chair.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's building to le smut... muahaha #sorry not sorry

Your teeth chattered, munching through the cold thickness of the night air. The long grass rolled in front of your eyes in the gentle breeze. It seemed to stretch for miles and miles, probably a lot further than your eyes could even see.

The sun had set only a few minutes ago, still illuminating the horizon. At the same time, you noticed that when you looked upwards it was as if the sun had been long gone. The sky was there was almost completely black. You could just see the stars beginning to peak out.

"So, this is it."

You turned your head to the side at the sound of Ben's voice. Your eyes took in his wine colored hoodie with a pair of black sweat pants. His hair was just in a state of disarray on the top of his head. He did say that it would be a very casual kind of date.

You turned your head to the side at the sound of Ben's voice. Your eyes took in his wine colored hoodie with a pair of black sweat pants. His hair was just in a state of disarray on the top of his head.

You didn’t realize that he really meant casual when he had said casual date.

 _Date._ You grinned at that. This was finally a date with Ben. It would be just the two of you.

You had never imagined your first date with Ben to be anything like this. He had seemed like more of a coffee shop date than an outdoors date. You were a bit perplexed about the situation - why would he take you to this field in the middle of the woods?

He aimed the flashlight in his hands down at the ground before continuing to walk into the open space. Your feet followed him.

"I think," he muttered as he glanced around, "This is a good spot."

He threw a dark object out of his arms, rather carelessly, to the ground.

"Can you hold this for me?" he offered the flashlight towards you. You noticed that the beam now pointed directly upwards into the night sky. You wrapped your fingers around the shaft of the flashlight and easily removed it from his hand.

You passed your free hand in front of the beam of light, back and forth, in a hypnotic manner. You were sending messages to the aliens that may or may not have existed in space.

"Y/N," you heard Ben's soft laugh, "Point it over here?"

You could feel a blush creep up on your face as you turned the light towards where you thought Ben would be. He was spreading out a blanket to cover the damp grass.

"Star gazing?" you finally realized.

He flopped down on the blanket and patted a spot next to him.

You handed him the flashlight before sitting down next to him. He extinguished the light and, for now, you were having a hard time adjusting to the difference in light. You couldn't see much of anything for a few moments.

There was still a bit of time until the sky would turn to complete darkness.

You crossed your legs over each other, desperate for a little bit of heat. It was actually getting colder. You should have brought more clothes.

"When I was a kid, my dad would take me out to this very field," he said. "And, every time we would come out, he would tell me about his life as a pilot. He told me everything - from the first moment he stepped foot inside his plane to the moment he knew that he couldn't fly anymore."

He stopped speaking. You did the only thing you knew to do. You reached forward and found his hand easily. You gripped it firmly, squeezing it a bit. You reassured him that it would be okay to continue his story. You were there for him.

He realized that as he cleared his throat.

"There was one night that stuck out to me. It was a few nights before he passed away," he whispered, "He said... that only in the darkness of night are we able to see the brilliance of the stars. Without that darkness, they're invisible. It took me years to figure out what the hell he was trying to tell me."

He paused.

He gently rubbed his thumb over your palm.

"I didn't mean to just-" he whispered, "I feel like I'm close to him when I'm here. It's a place I've never shown anyone... except you."

"Oh."

The sky was still bright, for the most part. You shivered.

"Cold?" he said, changing the subject.

You laughed, "Is it that obvious?"

He didn't respond for a few moments, as if he were uncertain of what he was about to say next. _But why?_

"You are the brightest star in the darkness of my life," he whispered before placing a soft kiss to your cheek.

 _That definitely was the most romantic thing you had heard all day..._ The cold that once took over your body and made you shiver had been replaced. Heat flooded you as his words washed over you like warm ocean water. You could hear how genuine his comment had been - the deep undertones of his voice were laced with an undeniable sincerity.

You weren't even sure how to respond.

"Ben."

"Y/N," he said, gently touching the bottom of your chin and turning it towards his face. In his eyes, all you could see was the softness of the light coming from the lantern. You could barely see the soft brown color of his irises.

You weren't sure why the overwhelming urge to kiss him ran over you. In that moment, you didn't want to kiss him - you needed to do it.  _How the hell would you respond to such a sincere set of words?_   You didn't want to just kiss him on the lips and be done with it.

You pushed him down onto the blanket and swung your legs over his. You straddled him. You could feel the warmth of his hips against your thighs. It was almost overwhelming how great it felt to just be close to him. Gently, you cupped his head between the palms of your hands.

You waited for him to react. Perhaps he would meet you halfway there.

He didn't move at all.

_Was this his way of showing you how he truly felt? By not responding?_

You grazed both your lips against his. If he didn't want to kiss you, you wouldn't make him... or would you? How else would he show you that he wasn't just in it for sex? You shook your head. Your thoughts were confusing you. You needed to focus.

Your eyes landed on his full lips that were set into a thin line.

_Kiss me, Ben. Please kiss me._

You repeated the action, moving your lips in the opposite way over his lips.

_Don't just tell me how you feel, Ben. Show me._

His lips parted and he let out a breath he'd been holding.

Your eyes moved along the length of his nose until your eyes met his once again. Your cold body was pressed up against his. The warmth that radiated from all over him made you feel that much better. Instead of kissing him on the lips, you moved your attention to his exposed neck. Starting at the base of his neck, you gently kissed upwards until you reached his ear lobe.

 _What was he trying to tell you about how he felt?_ Did he admit that he loved you in a subtle way? Or, was that just your imagination?

You placed a simple kiss to his lobe before wrapping your lips around it. You gently sucked on it, teasing him with the use of your tounge.

"Fuck," he muttered as his hands rubbed your butt. Slowly, they migrated from your ass to the middle of your back and then back down.

"Ben," you said.

He mumbled something in response; but, he still wasn't doing much of anything. He was letting you do whatever you wanted. You slowly gyrated your hips against his, causing him to gasp. His eyes flew wide open, searching yours.

"What are you doing?"

His hips jumped up to meet yours, desperate for friction. _God,_ you could feel your thighs trembling at the feeling of the friction. His hands continued to explore your body.

The only sound you could hear was his heavy breathing. He panted against your ear.

"I want you," he whispered.

"I want you too."

That was the only thing he needed to hear as he began to rock his body against yours.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more like chapter 13b, but ya know, whatever. SMUT SMUT SMUT

After a few moments, you clapped your hands to his shoulders and moved back so you could look at his face.

He stopped moving. His hands dropped to the blanket and his long fingers spread out over it. You couldn't care less about that at this point. You would be dumb if you didn't look at his face.

His eyes were wide with lust. In the darkness of his pupils, you could clearly see the reflection of the bright moon and stars. It made his eyes infinitely more amazing and vast. For the first time, you felt like you could see all of Ben. There was no way he could hide himself.

Underneath the blanket of the night, he looked more handsome than you had ever originally thought. There was something about the way that the moon light illuminated his angular nose that made you think he was almost made of stone that had been carved under the careful hands of a master artist. And yet, underneath your hands, you could feel his shoulders heaving up and down in direct contradiction to your thoughts.

He was not made of stone. Ben Solo was human.

You dropped your arms from his shoulders and moved around to get into a more comfortable spot. You tapped back and forth between the opening of his two legs, just below his kneecaps. You wanted to sit there.

He parted his legs for you, leaving just enough space for you to sit with your legs crossed.

He didn't move an inch - his shoulders still moving up and down.

_What was he thinking about right about now?_

You dismissed the stray thought and went back to the task at hand. You both wanted this. You leaned forwards. As you did that, you couldn't help but remember that it was pretty chilly out. He probably wouldn't want to be exposed to the night air...

You slid your dominant hand underneath his sweatpants. He felt ready - already dripping with anticipation. Your fingers traced up his length, stopping at the tip to tease it with one finger before tracing it all the way back down.

The entire time, you stared directly into his eyes. You wanted to watch him come undone at the movement of your hand. Of course, you were distracted by the sudden movement of his hands clutching the blanket.

It seemed like he was still holding back. He wasn't touching you. His jaw was clenched as his face turned from a look of exasperation to something very different.

_Why was he holding back?_

"We don't have to do this," he whispered as he grasped your wrist. "I didn't mean to make things-" he gasped, forgetting to complete his sentence as you circled your hand around his throbbing length, "Fuck."

"I want to," you whispered as you leaned forward to press a soft kiss to his lips. While your tongues tangled together, you squeezed him gently as you slowly moved your hand up and down over his cock.

He broke the kiss, panting heavily. You watched as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

His hips jumped to meet your hand now.

"If you..." he trailed as he continued to move against your hand, "I won't last much longer."

He pushed your hand away and quickly pulled his sweats down and out of the way. He had nothing left on his lower half. His erection protruded upwards.

You couldn't help but stare at it.

He ripped his hoodie over his head in one fluid motion and now sat completely naked in front of you.

"Are you too cold?" he asked with a slight tilt of his head.

You shrugged. It was a bit cold for your liking.

That's when you stood up. For once in your life, you were towering over Ben. You slowly pulled your hoodie over your head, taking your shirt off with it. Underneath, you had a bra on that was pretty boring looking - a color that matched your skin almost perfectly. It wasn't the sexiest clothing you had because you certainly didn't think that this would be happening tonight.

You shimmied out of your sweats and you were nearly completely naked in front of him.

His eyes traced over your body as he took in the sight in front of him.

His hands found their way to both sides of you ass and he pulled you closer to him. His nose rubbed along the outside of your panties as he oddly nuzzled you.

"Uh," you said as you grabbed his hair with one hand. You forced him to look up at you.

"What?" he responded hazily. His sexual need had clearly taken over.

"Nothing," you said.

"Can I?" he asked as he laced his fingers underneath your panties.

You nodded. His hands pulled them downwards from your hips until they fell to the ground. You gasped at the chill of the night air against the warmth of your pussy.  _Fuck_. You stepped out of them.

"I need you."

It didn't even sound like your voice at that moment. It was huskier and deeper, filled with unsatisfied need.

He smirked as he looked at you. His brow cocked.

"Sexy," he grumbled, "And so god damn beautiful."

 _Did he really think that?_ You could feel a smile tug at your lips. You gently pushed him backwards so he was now laying down on the blanket. You weren't really sure how comfortable this would be, but you didn't really care. This was happening now.

That's when a realization hit you.

"Condom?" he asked.

You nodded. It was almost as if he had read your mind. You watched as he reached for his hoodie. He pulled one out and quickly ripped it open. He slid it on his length quickly and gently rubbed himself a little bit.

"Okay," he said. He extended the hand that wasn't wrapped around his erection towards you. You took his hand and quickly moved into a crouching position.

You could feel the tip of his hardness just barely touching your entrance.

For a moment, you hesitated. _Was this really what you wanted?_ You were always so indecisive about things like this.

He propped himself up on his elbows

"You can always change your mind," he rumbled.

Before he could say anything more, you slid downwards, taking his length inside of you.

"Fuck," his voice cracked.

"What?"

His face contorted in a pained expression.

"You squished my balls," he whispered. He looked upwards towards the sky, obviously feeling a bit of pain from the ordeal.

"Oh, er," you squirmed around, trying to adjust yourself on him. He felt amazing inside of you. The friction of your clit against his

His fingernails dug into your hips, "Don't. Stop moving or I'll cum now."

You didn't move.

One of his hands pulled away from your hips to move a stray piece of hair out of your face.

"You're gorgeous," he said.

"Thanks."

He scoffed, "I'm serious."

You wiggled your hips, "So aren't I."

"Go," he grunted.

And, you moved yourself slowly up on his hips.

Somehow, he managed to sit all the way up and forced you into trading places with him. Your back now lay against the softness of the blanket. You could see the beautiful stars in the sky.

Ben swiftly reached behind you and finally unhooked your bra, pulling it from your body.

Without any warning, he took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking on it. You wiggled against him, desperate to find some kind of friction. You needed him inside of you before you came.

"Ben, put it in," you demanded.

He released your nipple from between his teeth and gave you a devilishly handsome smirk.

"Fuck," he grunted as he guided himself into you.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard tonight," he whispered, "that you will feel empty without my big cock filling you up."

"Yeah?" you said.

He gently began to move in and out of you, "You'll be screaming for me."

He picked up his pace. You could feel his balls gently tapping against your body with each of his powerful thrusts. His hands moved away from fondling your breasts to a spot above your head. He leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to your lips as he continued to fuck you.

"Ben," you moaned.

Your body was beginning to tense. Your fingernails clawed at Ben's back.

"Fuck," he said as his strokes became less refined, "Y/N, I'm almost there."

And, he came - you felt his cock twitching as he continued to thrust into you. He moaned deeply as he picked his pace back up again. 

"Ben!"

Your orgasm caused your vision to dot with stars similar to the night sky. They blinked and blurred across your vision as all of the tension that had been building in your body had suddenly dissipated.

"God," he grunted out as he continued to move.

In that moment, you suddenly became overly sensitive.

"Stop," you said quietly.

He stopped moving and stared into your eyes that now were wide open.

You felt him slip out of you. You didn't watch him as he pulled the condom from his dick because you were too spacey to even care. You felt good. There wasn't anything quite like bathing in the afterglow of an amazing orgasm.

Suddenly, your body was shrouded in a large blanket. He slid in next to you and threw his arms around your body. He kissed your neck gently.

You turned to look at him.

His face was covered with a red tinge and a layer of glistening sweat. A beautiful smile lit up his face. He was smiling with his teeth showing. It was something extraordinary.

"So?" he said with a chuckle.

You shrugged, "Not bad."

His face deflated.

"I'm joking," you corrected. "It was better than I thought it would be."

"And I'm only getting started with you," he said as he ground his stiffening cock against your ass.

"Good."


End file.
